Chapter 1: A New Era in Dog Gadgets

Introducing the groundbreaking Apple Watch designed specifically for dogs—the ultimate accessory for your furry watchdog.

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Warning: Avoid letting your dog watch commercials!

In today's world, humans seem increasingly fixated on technology and social media. While it's undeniably convenient to shop online and stay connected with our friends (and by friends, I mean real relationships, not mere followers), there's a growing concern that this obsession may be dumbing us down.

Meanwhile, our canine companions are becoming more clever by the day. Just last week, I was reminded of this when the doorbell rang around three in the afternoon.

My three dogs erupted into chaos.

"I'm coming! Just... hold on a second!" I shouted as I rushed to the front door. "Settle down, you wild beasts."

I nearly tripped over Rocco, my pint-sized Yorkie, as I opened the door.

"Can I assist you?" I asked the delivery person.

"I need your signature here," he said, holding out an electronic signing device.

"I didn’t order anything."

Woof!

"Apologies; that’s just my little Yorkie," I said, hoping for a chuckle.

The delivery person remained stone-faced.

"Um, I’m not expecting anything."

He glanced at the label, "Is your name PJ Kaplan?"

"Yes," I responded cautiously. "What’s in the package?" I leaned in to get a closer look.

“If I had x-ray vision, would I waste my time as a delivery person? Do you want it or not?”

Woof! Woof!

"I’m sorry about the barking. It's probably best you—"

Grrr!

"Ouch! Rocco! Did you just bite me?"

"Look, I’ll just leave it here."

He placed the box on the ground and retreated down the steps.

"No, wait!"

"I'm about to quit anyway. I want to become a ballerina and chase my dreams."

"Good for you," I replied, completely bewildered by the exchange. I shook my head, trying to grasp the absurdity of it all.

Ruff! Ruff! Ruff! echoed from inside, snapping me back to reality.

As I bent down to grab the package, it was nowhere to be found.

“ROCCO!”

Shredded cellophane and bits of cardboard littered the entrance. I followed the trail into the lounge to find Rocco hiding under the couch, chomping on the box.

"What’s that? Can you give it to me?"

F*ck off. It’s mine.

"Hey! Don't snap at me." I knelt on the rug. "Come on... wait, what’s my credit card doing here?"

I retrieved my slightly chewed credit card from a pile of torn socks, envelopes, and Yorkie-sized tennis balls.

"This is my spare card? How did you manage to get it?"

That’s not the important part. What’s crucial is getting that box open.

"Okay, that’s enough." I leaned in to seize the box.

Cooooeeeeee.

My two Staffies appeared as if summoned by magic, standing guard in front of Rocco, preventing my approach.

"King? Xena? What’s going on?"

You distract her while I get this blasted thing out of the box.

"Did you two just nod? What is happening?"

As I tried to sidestep them, they blocked my path.

I faked left and spun right.

Access denied.

"Move."

Grrr.

"Seriously?"

Ha! Suck it, lady! They’re on my side. There’s nothing you can—

"Biccies!"

F*ck it!

I lured King and Xena to their beds.

I grabbed the now soggy box, and something black fell to the floor.

I picked it up. A tiny Apple Watch.

I skimmed the user guide: 2022 Apple Watch ‘FMB Model Mini’—a watch for watchdogs.

Apple has officially lost it, I thought.

"Give it here."

"Get down, Rocco. Stop jumping."

It’s mine.

I tapped the screen, revealing a list of alarm times from six in the morning to seven at night.

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I tapped again, and suddenly—

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"What the fu— OUCH!"

As Rocco bit me again, I dropped the watch, and he seized it with his tiny jaws, sprinting away.

My house has an open layout, flowing from the lounge to the hallway, entryway, and back to the kitchen.

Despite Rocco being nearly fifteen and having a weak heart, he darted circles around me.

"Get back here, Rocco."

No. F*ck off.

I struggled to keep up, but wearing faux ugg boots made me prone to crashing into walls.

I tried to intercept him, but he was quick and changed direction.

King decided to block the hallway with his sizeable frame at one point.

"Get out of the way, King."

Meanwhile, Xena had moved on to munching on whatever disgusting snacks she could find outside while I was too occupied to stop her.

"Stop running!"

I attempted to conceal myself behind the kitchen island, but he was too clever and stayed on the other side. Curse that superior sense of smell!

After ten laps around the house, I noticed Rocco had somehow managed to strap the watch to his left arm.

He was starting to tire, and I was dizzy, so I collapsed onto the couch, pretending to be dead.

Rocco approached cautiously.

What’s up with you? You know I hate it when you play dead. Who’s going to feed me?

I could see him within reach through my half-closed eyelids.

“GOTCHA!”

Argh! No! You tricked me!

Rocco wriggled and squirmed, desperately trying to escape my grip.

"Now hand over that device."

Attempting to pry the watch off was futile; it felt as if it was glued to his arm.

"What kind of tech is this?"

I’ll never tell.

I kept trying to yank it off while Rocco continued to attempt to bite me and contort his body in ways I never knew possible.

Just when I thought I was making progress...

WOOP! WOOP! WOOP!

‘WHAT IS THAT NOISE?"

I dropped Rocco onto the couch and covered my ears. The shrill sound emanated from the watch.

Rocco hopped down and strutted over to his food bowl.

Xena and King joined him.

The noise was blaring, enough for the neighbors to think there was an emergency, yet none of the dogs seemed to care.

Wait a minute. Was this the equivale