Understanding Emotional Responses

My adorable one-year-old granddaughter, Blaire, is an absolute delight.

Up until recently, my go-to greeting for her was, "How are you?" I would eagerly await her infectious smile before following up with, "Are you good?" To which she would reply, "Goo," showing off her eight tiny teeth. I cherished these moments, observing her development in language, emotions, and social interactions. She has a special charm that even captivates her eight-year-old sister. Yet, the reality is that no one is always "good." We experience a range of emotions including sadness, anger, and joy.

A recent encounter with a friend who had just lost her son to a tragic illness left a profound impact on me. We were both attending a graveside service for another friend's child. It was comforting to embrace her, especially given her fresh grief. I felt compelled to acknowledge the burden she bore in supporting our friend.

Her response left me stunned.

While recounting her experience at a grocery store, she mentioned being asked by the cashier how she was doing. The cashier then probed for more details, trying to create a friendly atmosphere, as is often expected in customer service. This well-meaning attempt turned uncomfortable for my friend. She revealed a truth that many may overlook: for someone grappling with a profound loss, simply standing there to buy groceries can be a monumental task. They often lack the emotional strength to feign happiness or to openly share their grief.

I was taken aback.

I realized that I often inquire about people's well-being in settings where the only viable answer is a fabricated one. The truth is, not everyone is "good."

How did I miss this until now?

Trying to express empathy with a question that flows from my mouth thoughtlessly does not equate to true compassion. In fact, it can be inconsiderate, or even cruel.

How many times have I unintentionally caused this discomfort? Too many to count. There have been instances when I asked and lacked the capacity to engage with their response. Is that not worse than remaining silent? I open my heart to them, yet I'm unable to process their feelings in return. Even if my words don't convey it, my expressions and unease likely reveal my internal struggle.

"It's good to see you," my friend suggested as a more thoughtful alternative, and I wholeheartedly agree. This phrase conveys appreciation for someone's presence without pressuring them to divulge more than they're ready to share. There's no obligation to respond, which feels far more compassionate, acknowledging that the smile they wear might be a mask hiding deeper emotions.

I can certainly improve my approach.

From now on, "It's good to see you" will be my preferred greeting. And when I ask little Blaire how she's feeling, I intend to model a range of emotions and observe her reactions. I want our conversations to be meaningful, rather than just exchanging chirps like a bird.

The Importance of Mindful Engagement

In the video "How to deal with mistakes | Mental health and mistakes," we explore the significance of understanding our emotional responses and how they affect our interactions.