Expect Flaws

Staying in love involves accepting each other's imperfections and looking beyond them, even during tough times.

Love isn't always picturesque; it's about embracing the entire journey. Deepening your connection requires falling in love multiple times with the same person, with mutual affection as a foundation.

> “Anyone can love a thing because. That’s as easy as putting a penny in your pocket. But to love something despite. To know the flaws and love them too. That is rare and pure and perfect.” > > – Patrick Rothfuss

Reflect Positive Aspects

Being close to someone allows them to know your strengths and weaknesses intimately, giving them the ability to bring out the best in you—and also witness you at your worst.

After our first child was born, I experienced postpartum anxiety and depression. Old traumas resurfaced, leading to self-doubt that affected my enjoyment of motherhood and life. This challenging phase strained our marriage.

Despite my discontent with my post-pregnancy body, my husband reassured me, encouraging me to embrace my transformation.

He supported me even when I felt like a shadow of my former self.

When your partner struggles to appreciate their own reflection, love them through their emotional and physical scars. Show them the better sides you see, especially if they are unaware of them.

Understand Your Triggers and Differences

Past relationships can leave deep-seated insecurities that may inadvertently affect your current partnership.

While your partner can help you confront your baggage, it’s essential to remember that it's not their responsibility to fix you.

Be open about your dislikes and address issues early on to prevent misunderstandings. For instance, I dislike when my husband leaves dishes unwashed in the sink, and he finds it frustrating when I leave the hairdryer plugged in.

These seemingly minor annoyances can escalate, but we consciously work to adjust our habits out of respect for one another.

> “If you want to have a happy marriage, be the kind of person who generates positive energy and sidesteps negative energy rather than empowering it.” > > — Stephen Covey

Choose Your Battles

Disagreements are part of any relationship, and minor irritations can sometimes lead to significant conflicts if left unresolved.

While arguments can be unavoidable, they can also serve as opportunities to connect and strengthen your bond.

If something bothers you, address it rather than letting it fester. Couples often find it challenging to be intimate when upset. Keeping your emotional needs met can alleviate physical tension.

The saying goes, "there is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love." Avoid keeping score after conflicts, and strive for resolution, allowing you to move forward without lingering resentment.

Be Present

I once found myself upset over something my husband said but wisely chose to wait until the kids were asleep to discuss it.

When I approached him, he turned off the television, signaling he was ready to listen.

During meals or outings, we prioritize putting our phones away to engage fully with each other.

It’s vital to treat each other seriously when needed, actively listening with empathy instead of dismissively.

Communicate Clearly

In the past, I allowed anger to take control, leading to shouting, which only escalated issues.

Now, my husband and I ensure we have open conversations, allowing each person to express their feelings, no matter how difficult the topic may be. It's a sign of security to share without fear of judgment.

I might say things like: - “I felt hurt when you…” - “I’m sorry that…”

Most people don't pick up on subtle cues well. It's better to communicate directly rather than being passive-aggressive.

Use your words with intention—be honest, vulnerable, and genuine in your apologies.

To feel loved and supported is to feel seen and heard. Effective communication requires both words and actions, as actions often speak louder than words.

Be Cautious of Family Dynamics

For those contemplating marriage, being in love with your partner is wonderful, but will your relationship withstand family disapproval?

While getting along during family gatherings is a plus, the real question is whether you can enjoy each other's company long-term. Family drama can fracture relationships.

When you're ready, discussing your future together and setting boundaries early on can help navigate potential conflicts.

Maintain Independence

As a favorite Boyz II Men song states:

> “Even lovers need a holiday — far away from each other.”

While spending quality time together is essential, it's equally important to have individual lives, social circles, and interests. A healthy balance between independence and dependence is crucial.

Trust is the foundation of any stable relationship, and it must be earned.

Keep the Romance Alive

Just because you've been together for a long time doesn't mean you have to succumb to boredom.

During a recent holiday at a hot spring resort, my husband and I rented a room for table tennis. It reminded me of our early dates, filled with playful competition and fun.

As we played, we felt like our younger selves again, rekindling fond memories and emotions.

Reflecting on our time together, I asked:

> “Table tennis was fun today!”

We reminisced about our first date at a driving range, where he playfully guided me, and I felt those butterflies once more.

Cherish the little moments and create new memories that evoke nostalgia.

Appreciate the Small Things

Though my husband isn't outwardly romantic, he shows his affection in small, meaningful ways.

Whether it's kissing my forehead while I pretend to sleep or stocking the fridge with goodies when I'm unwell, these gestures win me over daily.

Your partner will express love uniquely—take note of these moments and cherish them.

Never Take Each Other for Granted

In long-term relationships, it's easy to become complacent, focusing on what you do for each other.

Shift your perspective to recognize that you don't have to do things for your partner; rather, you get to do them.

As long as your visions align and both are dedicated, your relationship will continue to flourish.

True love combines magic and practicality. Unless there are irreconcilable differences, if you see the value in your relationship, it’s likely something special that can’t be replicated elsewhere. Embrace it all.

> “We may not have it all together, but together, we have it all.”

At the End of the Day

I will always cherish the thrilling beginnings of my relationship with my husband, but emotions alone shouldn't dictate your relationship's longevity. The honeymoon phase is fleeting.

Relationships reflect our personal growth, and commitment means standing by each other through thick and thin.

In our marriage, I often reflect on how we've overcome challenges. It’s about how your partner supports you when you need it most.

When both partners are vulnerable and still choose to look toward a shared future, that's a testament to enduring love.