Chapter 1: The Shift to Online Shopping

Have you found yourself endlessly browsing shopping apps during the pandemic? Whether it's just window shopping or actually making purchases, many of us have gotten lost in the vast array of products, seeking something to uplift our spirits.

If you're anything like me, you've likely spent more time on platforms like Amazon or eBay than your budget would prefer (no judgment here!). According to Adobe’s analytics, by April, sales from buy-online-pickup-in-store (BOPIS) jumped an astounding 208% compared to the previous year. Overall, e-commerce experienced a significant 25% rise in just two weeks in March 2020.

Vivek Pandya, Adobe’s Digital Insights Manager, mentioned to Forbes that, “According to our data, it would have taken four to six years to reach the levels we saw in May if growth had continued at past rates.”

However, the move from in-person shopping to online is just one part of the story. While some are shifting from brick-and-mortar stores to digital platforms, others are spending more overall due to feelings of loneliness and isolation exacerbated by the COVID-19 pandemic. This situation has intensified what many refer to as the loneliness epidemic.

There exists a troubling cycle at play...

The pandemic has pushed us to depend on social media for interaction, but this reliance can sometimes deepen feelings of loneliness. Consequently, many turn to shopping as a means of seeking fulfillment, yet the act of buying often fails to address the underlying emptiness we feel.

Why do we engage in this behavior? Do we genuinely think that happiness is contingent upon owning the latest tech gadget or luxury item? The answer seems to be a mix of yes and no.

Looking at American advertisements, one might conclude that possessions are the key to happiness. In fact, our society is largely built upon this notion that acquiring the right products is essential for a fulfilling life—what I term the standard model of consumer culture.

This model is characterized by aggressive sales tactics and marketing, with the pervasive message that happiness is unattainable without certain products or services. But is this really the case?

A wealth of evidence suggests otherwise. Some researchers argue that purchasing items—even non-essential goods—is often motivated by the belief that they will facilitate positive social interactions in the future.

The theory posits that we buy things in the hope they will foster or sustain human connections later on. At the core of consumption lies the fundamental desire to be loved and accepted.

Steve Quartz, co-author of "Cool: How the Brain’s Hidden Quest for Cool Drives Our Economy and Shapes Our World," provides insights that resonate with the emotions many of us are experiencing today.

Historically, some of the earliest human adornments, like jewelry, were created around 70,000 years ago. These items likely symbolized membership in specific groups, serving more than just an aesthetic purpose—they fostered a sense of belonging and trust among individuals.

Quartz’s research suggests that the majority of products fueling our economy are valued for their perceived social benefits rather than their intrinsic worth. The real appeal often lies in the status and connection we believe these purchases will bring us. As Quartz explains:

"Our medial prefrontal cortex acts as a social calculator that gauges how we believe others perceive us, essentially functioning as a self-esteem meter. This drives our need for admiration and respect within social groups. Psychologists have found that our happiness is more closely tied to feelings of esteem than to our socioeconomic status."

Quartz further elaborates:

"Much of the economic value of products today hinges on their influence on our brain's implicit assessments of social identity. In fact, we discovered that increases in social status strongly activate the nucleus accumbens, a key area of the brain's reward system linked to various forms of addiction. Research involving college students revealed that they often prioritize boosts in self-esteem over sexual experiences!"

However, it’s crucial not to dismiss these desires as mere vanity. The need for respect and esteem is a fundamental aspect of human nature, essential for forming the bonds that enable cooperative social living.

As the pandemic has confined us for extended periods, the shortcomings of the consumerism model have become increasingly apparent. Many of us are left with an unsettling feeling that something is amiss, despite indulging in online shopping with convenience.

This sense of unease likely stems from the disruption of our natural social reward systems.

The joy derived from consumption is diminished in the absence of shared experiences. When we purchase items—be it a stylish new dress or a trendy t-shirt—we often do so anticipating approval from those around us. From band t-shirts to outfits for church, we inherently seek interaction tied to our purchases, as Quartz noted.

Engaging with others and witnessing their reactions provides the positive reinforcement we crave.

Yet, as we find ourselves distanced from one another, this feedback loop has been significantly disrupted. The Internet cannot replicate the validation and sense of belonging that come from face-to-face interactions, and this issue extends beyond just fashion.

As I write, I’m savoring a plate of mango habanero cauliflower wings while watching an exhilarating NFL game on my iMac in a new, comfortable chair. By all material standards, life seems good. Yet, there’s an undeniable emptiness—it's simply not the same as experiencing sports pre-pandemic, as any sports enthusiast will tell you. What’s lacking is the human element.

Athletes compete in nearly empty stadiums, leaving fans scattered and isolated, devoid of the communal spirit that typically accompanies such events. The excitement is muted; the experience feels sterile.

This reality applies to our dining experiences as well. Sharing food has long been a cornerstone of human connection, dating back to prehistoric times when our ancestors gathered around fires.

While indulging in a solo meal can be enjoyable, the routine of dining alone night after night can become disheartening. The absence of social interaction diminishes the joy found in consuming food, enjoying sports, or engaging with fashion.

When loneliness strikes and our culture lacks adequate outlets for addressing social isolation, we often resort to shopping, clinging to the hope that it will foster connection. Unfortunately, this usually leads to deeper feelings of loneliness.

Did you know that the World Health Organization has classified loneliness as hazardous as smoking 15 cigarettes daily? Dubbed the silent pandemic, social isolation has long been recognized as a significant risk factor for violence.

In truth, we need one another. The sense of belonging is vital for grounding us, helping us feel connected, and allowing us to understand ourselves through the perspectives of others. While access to goods and services can enhance happiness, this is only true when we can share the joy of our experiences with those we care about.

This is the key takeaway for me, and I hope it’s a lesson our society has internalized from the pandemic: no matter how much we wish otherwise, products cannot replace human connections. We are inherently social beings who require both love and a sense of individual significance. Achieving these fundamental needs is impossible when we exist in isolation.

I envision a renaissance in humanism following the pandemic, one in which we share our lives more profoundly with one another. Let’s stop the pretense that material possessions can bring us true happiness.

Humans need love.

Thank you for reading. Feel free to follow me on Twitter and subscribe to my newsletter. Full disclosure: this story includes affiliate links through which I may earn a small commission.

Chapter 2: The Impact of Loneliness

In this interview, Jordan Peterson discusses the motivations behind people's actions and how societal pressures can influence decisions.

A powerful discussion featuring over 100 doctors revealing the truth about coping with and combating the coronavirus pandemic.