Understanding Your Triggers: A Journey to Self-Awareness
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Chapter 1: The Significance of Your Triggers
Have you ever been infuriated by a single remark? Taking a moment to reflect on that reaction can unveil significant insights about yourself.
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We all have specific phrases or situations that can instantly unsettle us. It’s as if a switch flips, momentarily overshadowing our usual positive selves. A remark can ignite a deep-seated anger that seems disproportionate to the situation.
But what causes this reaction? Why do these minor incidents provoke such intense feelings?
Despite considering myself a generally calm and accepting individual—having read 'Meditations' by Marcus Aurelius multiple times—there are still moments that catch me off guard.
As a proud Vietnamese individual, my cultural identity has evolved over time. While dining at a Vietnamese restaurant recently, a companion pointed at a dish and asked, “Do you call this ‘FOE GAHH’?” I chuckled politely, corrected the pronunciation, and acknowledged their effort. However, they followed up with, “Why don’t they spell it like that?”
In that instant, I found myself spiraling into a whirlwind of confusion and anger. Questions flooded my mind: “How could someone be so oblivious?” “Is ignorance this prevalent in my social circle?”
This seemingly trivial comment triggered a cascade of emotions—confusion, anger, and resentment—especially coming from a fellow immigrant in North America.
Recently, I listened to Rob Dial’s podcast, where he emphasizes examining our triggers as they reveal areas in our lives where we may not feel 'free.' Here’s my exploration of understanding my triggers.
Thanking the Triggerers
The last thing on your mind when someone triggers you is likely to express gratitude.
“Thank you for your thoughtlessness that will occupy my thoughts for the next day.”
Yet, what they’ve done, perhaps unknowingly, is highlight an area in your life where you're clinging to certain beliefs and unable to embrace alternative perspectives or demonstrate empathy. Essentially, you’re confined by your mindset.
I took a deeper look into my restaurant experience. Why was I so agitated? What lay beneath that anger? Generally, I consider myself tolerant of various viewpoints, so why was this incident different? Why was my capacity for empathy stretched so thin?
Understanding the Roots
Growing up in the diverse and tolerant environment of New Zealand, I often faced teasing for being different. Kids, unaware of their impact, would poke fun at my appearance, speech, and even the ‘unusual’ lunches I brought.
For instance, the durian wafers my mother packed didn’t seem odd to me, but they certainly drew attention.
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As I matured, I accepted that I was different and learned to embrace my identity, even while experiencing moments of self-deprecation. It wasn’t until later that I realized this upbringing shaped my perspective.
Thus, hearing someone make such a thoughtless remark shattered my optimistic belief in societal progress. It felt like the sails of my ship were tearing, leaving me anxious and frustrated.
I hadn’t fully acknowledged how these past experiences had shaped my present. I had dismissed them as childhood memories, but they had left a lingering resentment that was triggered by this recent encounter.
Working Through It
Now that I've identified my triggers and their origins, I can begin addressing them. I can apply the tools I've gained over the years to unpack this deep-seated resentment and move forward.
After years of cultivating empathy through reading and practicing stoicism, I can now look back at those who teased me with understanding. Their actions weren’t entirely their fault; they simply lacked awareness, often due to the perspectives taught to them by their own families. I believe society has evolved toward greater cultural acceptance.
Witnessing my son learn about the Lunar New Year among a diverse group of peers gives me hope that we’re progressing in the right direction.
Final Thoughts
In the end, I reminded my acquaintance that while Vietnamese is written using Roman letters, the pronunciation differs from other Romance languages like French and Spanish.
Instead of allowing myself to become consumed by irritation, I could have resolved the misunderstanding in a matter of seconds. Yet, I’m grateful for this trigger, as it set me on a path of self-discovery, uncovering resentments that had long been buried.
Takeaways
- Triggers serve as mirrors reflecting your inner self.
- They can reveal beliefs you cling to too tightly.
- You might uncover subconscious ideals that need addressing.
- Take time to analyze your triggers and work through the underlying issues.
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Chapter 2: Understanding and Managing Your Emotional Triggers
In the video "Gratitude & How to Trigger it in Ourselves," you will learn how cultivating gratitude can help you shift your perspective on triggers and enhance your emotional resilience.
The second video, "How to Identify + Manage Your Emotional Triggers - Terri Cole," offers practical strategies for recognizing and coping with your emotional triggers, allowing for greater self-awareness and emotional control.