Chapter 1: The Birthday Revelation

On the evening of my wife's 40th birthday, we decided to enjoy a night out, leaving our children with my parents. While we were at the bar, I casually remarked that her 30s were almost behind her.

"Well, you’ve got a whole year before you turn 40!" I said, taking a sip of my drink with a playful grin.

She looked at me with a blank expression, “Babe, I’m 40 today,” she responded with a smile.

“What? …Seriously?” I felt foolish, realizing I had completely forgotten. I genuinely believed she was still 39. We first crossed paths in our late 20s, and to me, she still embodies that youthful spirit. Since that night, we've joked that I can't keep track of her age, but honestly, I prefer to think of her as perpetually 29.

As we grow older, we often perceive aging in others but fail to recognize it in ourselves. In our youth, we viewed those in their 40s as ancient, yet upon reaching that milestone, we often think, “I don’t feel that old.”

There comes a time when we attain a level of wisdom through age, but eventually, our perspective shifts again.

My wife follows an extensive skincare routine each night, which seems to require more effort than I dedicate to my own care in a week. Her skin is incredibly sensitive, while mine feels almost impervious, having endured a fair share of wear and tear. To put it simply, she resembles a luxury car, while I’m more like a rugged vehicle that just needs an occasional rinse.

I can’t help but attribute her skincare obsession to the influence of social media.

She has a plethora of masks, creams, and various treatments. There are pads she applies under her eyes, making her look somewhat comical, along with a robot designed for eye massages and a contraption for neck stretches. Her closet is filled with countless bottles of products that baffle me—everything from hyaluronic creams to collagen-boosting peptides. Honestly, I sometimes wonder what a peptide even is!

I’m perplexed about who she is trying to impress with all these rituals. It’s clear she doesn’t seek my validation, which is a relief since I feel no pressure in that regard. She is deeply self-aware and prioritizes her well-being, but I wonder if her routine stems from societal expectations or genuine self-care.

In addition to her skincare regimen, she is committed to regular exercise. In the Phil Stutz documentary featuring Jonah Hill on Netflix, Jonah shares how he misunderstood the purpose of exercise, viewing it solely as a means to improve appearance rather than a path to mental wellness.

Losing weight, when it happens, should be seen as a bonus rather than the primary goal.

My wife frequently emphasizes the necessity of movement for her mental well-being, downplaying the vanity aspect. Nevertheless, she dedicates time daily to workouts and her skincare routine while we relax in front of the TV. At times, I feel a twinge of guilt as I sit idly while she diligently fights against the signs of aging. It raises questions—should I be more proactive? Should I be putting in similar effort?

I recognize that societal pressures disproportionately affect women. A couple of years back, I read an article discussing how women are often expected to maintain their attractiveness for as long as possible. Is this driven by older men, commercialism, or even other women?

Honestly, I believe my wife will always exude beauty, and I suspect I might age into that standard before she does.

As I grow older, I ponder the same expectations for men. Are we not expected to maintain a certain level of virility as we age? While men can appear "virile" into their 60s, older women can also be alluring. I perceive older women as strong, confident individuals with captivating life stories—just like anyone else.

Personally, I’m unconcerned about laugh lines or my greying beard. Baldness runs in my family, so I suspect I’ll face that reality eventually. These days, maintaining my fitness seems as demanding as it did a few years ago, if not more. Though I still exercise, recovery takes longer, and my energy levels have dipped.

It reminds me of a humorous meme: “I’m at the point where the only way I’m getting in shape is in prison.” It seems like a universal sentiment once you reach a certain age.

There are movements aimed at reshaping how we view aging, encouraging us to embrace it rather than fight against it. While many desire to appear youthful, it’s essential to adjust our expectations regarding what that entails.

To me, my wife doesn’t seem to have aged a day in the last 15 years. Perhaps it’s because those closest to us age alongside us, making the changes less noticeable. When I glance at older photos of us, I see the same two people, albeit a bit more seasoned and perhaps a little wearier.

We’ve created two wonderful children together, and her body has undergone significant changes in the process. However, I doubt I’d perceive her any differently if she decided to abandon her skincare routine.

I often remind her of her beauty, yet I can’t shake the feeling that I might never truly see her age. Maybe I should reassure her that my perception of her beauty will remain unchanged.

When I comment on her skincare efforts, she often quips, “It’s a lot of work to stay 39.”

After all, age is merely a number.

Chapter 2: The Pressure to Conform

In the video "The Man That's Aging Backwards: 'I Was 45, I'm Now 18!' - Bryan Johnson," Bryan discusses his experiences and thoughts on aging, shedding light on the societal pressures surrounding it.

Chapter 3: Understanding Relationships

Alain de Botton’s "Why You Have Love & Relationships All Wrong" explores the complexities of relationships and the often unrealistic expectations we hold, offering insights into fostering deeper connections.