Chapter 1: The Unexpected Shift

It’s fascinating how life can alter in an instant. This narrative, my first on Medium, reflects on an incident from May 2022 that dramatically reshaped my existence.

In May 2023, I made my way across the auditorium towards the Chancellor, my graduation robe flowing behind me. As I reached out for a handshake to accept my master’s in Mining Engineering, pride swelled within me.

However, as I returned to my seat, a piercing pain shot down my lower back and into my right leg. This discomfort was not new; it had been accumulating for months, but today felt markedly different. I was filled with joy seeing my family in the audience, proud of my hard-earned success.

After the ceremony, I limped over to my wife, sharing my agony and urgency to return to our temporary home. The journey back to my daughter’s apartment felt endless, and once there, I collapsed onto the bed, wishing for relief from the pain.

We had planned to drive home that Saturday, but since my wife couldn’t take the wheel, I reluctantly got behind it. That three-hour drive was the most excruciating experience of my life; I couldn't find a comfortable position and wished for the torment to end.

Upon finally arriving home, I retreated to bed, where I remained for the following four months, unable to stand, walk, or even sit without discomfort. After a week of suffering, I summoned a taxi to see a doctor. I pleaded for a place to lie down, as sitting was unbearable. The doctor suggested I take more time off work, confident that the pain would subside. However, I insisted on an MRI, suspecting something more serious than a mere pinched nerve.

Two weeks later, I shuffled into the MRI room, barely able to walk. My son assisted me as I navigated the process. The results revealed a prolapsed disc in my L5/S1 vertebrae—news that left me bewildered about my future.

In a matter of moments, I transitioned from receiving accolades for my achievements to being confined to my bed, unable to move. A lyric from Wednesday 13's song echoed in my mind: "It’s Strange how everything can change all so very fast." The song tells the story of a man pleading for divine intervention to avoid despair, a sentiment that resonated deeply with my experiences.

During a visit to the doctor, as I lay on the examination table, the pain became unbearable, prompting a prescription for Lyrica, a medication intended to alleviate nerve pain. Had I known the profound effects this medication would have on my life, I might have declined it.

Lyrica alters brain chemistry to numb pain, commonly prescribed for epilepsy. A month after my back's collapse, I was still bedridden, managing to stand for only brief moments before retreating to bed for relief.

Boredom consumed me. YouTube was an escape, but its allure dwindled quickly. Earlier, I had ordered several books, which I now credit as lifesavers. As Lyrica took effect, my sleep deteriorated, leaving me in a constant haze. I turned to Marcus Aurelius's Meditations, devouring it in one sitting, followed by Epictetus's Discourses and Seneca's Letters from a Stoic.

These texts on Stoicism equipped me with resilience, significantly enhancing my mental well-being. I soon bought a Kobo reader and downloaded over 1,000 books to aid my recovery.

After 3.5 months of suffering, I finally had an appointment with a spinal specialist to discuss possible surgery. Before this meeting, I decided to quit Lyrica cold turkey. When I informed the specialist, he endorsed my decision, suggesting it may not have been effective in alleviating my pain.

Post-appointment, I noticed significant improvements; I could walk again, starting with brief intervals and gradually extending to 20–30 minutes at a time. Yet, this marked the onset of new challenges. Quitting Lyrica triggered bouts of depression and suicidal thoughts; minor setbacks would plunge me into despair.

Each day was a battle against persistent pain, financial strain, and isolation, especially as my wife traveled frequently for work. I reached my lowest point, haunted by Wednesday 13’s lyrics: “It’s Strange how everything can change oh so fast.” The shadows of despair loomed ever closer.

In my darkest moments, I wrote in my journal, pleading for help from any unseen force capable of dispelling my inner demons. Depression would envelop me for days, trapping me in relentless negative thoughts.

During one particularly bleak episode, I isolated myself from the kitchen, fearing the knives on the counter would invoke even darker thoughts. Then, I recalled Epictetus’s wisdom: “Be discriminating about which of the thoughts and ideas you allow into your mind.” I began to repeat this mantra, embedding it in my consciousness.

Guided by Stoic principles, I realized we have control only over our internal responses; external circumstances are beyond our influence. Embracing this perspective, I gradually climbed out of the depths of despair—day by day, inch by inch. Stoicism became my lifeline amidst a spiraling descent toward hopelessness.

I immersed myself in literature, exploring Greek and Roman philosophy, self-help, and finance. Hours of reading reshaped my mindset, dispelling dark thoughts and illuminating my path forward. Progress was slow, but I remained determined, increasing my daily walks from 20 to 30 minutes and significantly boosting my step count. Over six weeks, I lost 10 kg, and my back pain became more manageable. Eventually, I approached my doctor, inquiring about returning to work. Seven months post-incident, I resumed my role as a Geotechnical Engineer.

My journey may resonate with anyone grappling with darkness, regardless of its origin. Improvement is a daily endeavor; the shadows will recede, revealing a stronger self. The journey begins with you, and I hope my experience offers hope. Take care!

This narrative marks my first contribution to Medium, a deeply personal tale. Since its publication, I have continued writing, branching from self-help and Stoicism into short horror fiction. The journey has been rewarding, and I look forward to many more years of sharing my stories.

Chapter 2: Embracing Change

In this evocative music video for "Night Changes," One Direction reflects on the fleeting nature of time and the rapid changes in life, evoking a sense of nostalgia and transformation.

This animated song "Everything Changes" by TryHardNinja encapsulates the essence of life's unpredictability, reminding us that change is a constant part of our journey.

The Sakura Tree Be cautious of what you wish for… It may indeed come true.

The Watcher You are never truly safe… Even within your own home.