Chapter 1: The Nature of Change

Change is an integral aspect of existence, whether we embrace it or resist it. The relentless sequence of transformations can sometimes feel overwhelming. However, upon reflection, we can recognize that throughout our lives—from our earliest days to our current selves—we are continually shedding the old and being reborn into new phases of our existence.

This realization has led me to perceive the shifts in my life as akin to a phoenix, the mythical creature that perishes and is subsequently reborn. While I can't pinpoint exactly when this transformative period began, it seems to correlate with a challenging moment last March when my husband and I were locked out of our email accounts. The resolution took three long days, prompting us to reconsider our long-standing internet service provider of two decades.

In the midst of this inconvenience, we decided it was time for a change. Transitioning all our contacts to new Gmail accounts was no small feat, taking an additional three days to inform everyone.

Tragically, during this tumultuous time, I learned of the passing of a woman from my childhood neighborhood, who was also my cousin’s wife and a reader of my memoirs. She had recently been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer that had metastasized to her liver, and just six weeks later, she suffered a fatal stroke the night before her first chemotherapy session.

I attended her funeral and took the opportunity to visit the home of a friend who had passed away the previous year under mysterious circumstances. This experience, combined with the emotional weight of reconnecting with old acquaintances, triggered a physical response in me. Soon after, I developed a sore throat—my first cold since December 2022—and was unable to put weight on my left leg due to pain.

After several days of limping around with a cane, I finally sought physiotherapy, which thankfully revealed no severe issues. However, I learned that my knee troubles, stemming from a 2016 incident while clearing out my mother's home, were exacerbated by weakness in the muscles from my hip down.

Reflecting on 2016, it was a year of significant transitions: my mother’s terminal cancer diagnosis, her passing, and the release of my first memoir, "Floating in Saltwater." This year marked a pivotal change in my life, one that I am still navigating.

During my recent illness, I felt an urge to release old beliefs and patterns that had long held me back. It was during one of these low moments that I jokingly told my husband I felt like a phoenix rising. His laughter echoed my own self-deprecating humor as I dealt with my cold and limp.

As April approached, we planned another significant change: the decision to purchase our Toyota Camry instead of leasing a new vehicle. Despite its age, the car was practically new, and we opted to pay it off rather than continue with a loan. This decision was further validated when we discovered its dealership value was significantly higher than expected.

However, just as I thought we were done with unexpected expenses, our lawnmower broke down, leading us to switch to a battery-operated model. Feeling a sense of renewal, I opted for a new haircut after contemplating a drastic change. I hadn’t sported short hair since 2010, and this decision symbolized my evolving self.

Yet, my old laptop began malfunctioning, prompting a search for a new one. I chose a rugged model meant for outdoor activities, a fitting metaphor for my own resilience. This laptop, aptly named "Enduro," resonated with me as a symbol of endurance.

Looking back, I can see how my recent edits on my memoir, "Where Predators Sleep," contributed to my sense of release. Writing about my past traumas has always been challenging, yet essential for my healing journey. This memoir, exploring painful memories of sexual abuse and family dynamics, has been the hardest to pen, but I believe its publication is crucial for my growth.

As I navigate these transitions, both physical and emotional, I recognize that my body is communicating its need for change. After attending my yearly eye exam, I learned I needed new glasses for the first time in six years, symbolically allowing me to see more clearly—both literally and figuratively.

An unexpected Facebook friend request from an old acquaintance stirred up feelings from my past, signaling that I hadn’t fully processed certain emotions. Perhaps these changes were part of a larger transformation, one that required me to confront my past and release what no longer served me.

This culminated in a health scare on April 29, when I experienced a rapid heart rate due to supraventricular tachycardia (SVT). After a visit to the hospital for treatment, I reflected on the parallels between my experiences and those of my late mother. Both moments represented significant emotional and physical transitions.

As I embrace this new phase of my life, I aim to let go of the small frustrations and focus on what truly matters. I’ve decided to replace my malfunctioning washing machine with a new model, symbolizing my commitment to positive change.

To mark this journey, I plan to undertake a release ritual during the next waning moon, allowing me to let go of past patterns and reclaim lost parts of myself. This inner transformation is my way of embracing the phoenix within.

Have you ever experienced moments in your life that resonate with the idea of a phoenix rising?

Barbara Carter, a visual artist and writer, is dedicated to healing from childhood trauma and alcohol addiction while striving to live her most authentic life. She enjoys walks, reading, watching TV dramas, practicing Qi-gong, and working on her memoir series "Barbara by the Bay."

Chapter 2: Embracing Transformation

In this chapter, we explore the process of letting go and welcoming new beginnings, as well as the healing power of self-expression.

This first video discusses the practice of Tashlich, a ritual that symbolizes the act of letting go of the old and embracing new beginnings, encouraging viewers to reflect on their own transformations.

Chapter 3: The Impact of Change

Change can be daunting, but it often paves the way for new realities. Discover how releasing old patterns can lead to profound personal growth.

The second video delves into the concept that once you let go of your old self, your reality transforms in remarkable ways, inviting viewers to consider their own journeys of self-discovery.